I'm Too Busy to be Depressed

18th of November 2020

It's been about 2 months since the stroke, and I'm more of a changed person than I thought I would be. I'm more paranoid than I have been. I'm trying to be more aware of my health, what I eat, finding things to do to stay active and the people around me. However, I fall into some sort of funk where I just don't want to do anything. I get up too late to do anything but go to work. I know I need to get up and make the most of myself, but I just don't know what to do. Nothing sounds exciting.

A road trip would be nice if there wasn't so many stupid drivers out there. I get annoyed easily on the road. People just drive selfishly without any concern for others. How many times I'm cut off because someone has no patience or didn't leave early enough and is running late. Texting and driving. Seeing me pass and then speeding up just to not let me in their lane. Not going on a green arrow, or green light in general for that matter. Motorcyclists can be bad, too. I try my best to watch out for them, but they have to do their part, too.

A walk would be nice as well, but I've walked everywhere in this city. The trails I walk are being repaved as well. I would walk in the city itself, but I go back to the selfish drivers that don't pay attention to pedestrians. Plus, I hate waiting at stop lights.

We're in the middle of a pandemic, and people don't want to wear masks for the most ridiculous reasons. I don't mind the masks at all. It's inconvenient, but death is, too. These people don't make me comfortable going anywhere. I'm not anywhere for long if I have to go anywhere. I don't trust anyone.

So with this pandemic, what's there to do? With the cold weather coming, I don't want to be outside. I hate the cold. I should do more than just watch a movie. I should do something active. I just have no motivation.

Once the weather is warmer, I'll hopefully ride my bike more without any problems. If you remember the last time I rode my bike, my ICD went off twice. I keep getting discouraged to do anything because I'm afraid my ICD will go off. Every time it goes off, it costs money. Whether it's a trip to the doctor's office or the hospital, I'd rather spend the money in other ways.

What people don't realize is that people who are depressed aren't lazy. They're not motivated because they don't feel either involved or valuable. I encourage you to reach out to those who suffer from depression. Make them feel great not only about themselves, but about life. If you are depressed, please seek help. You will feel better, and you can get through it. I believe in you.