Family Isn't Just Blood

14th of April 2020

As I was in the kitchen, I heard my phone ringing. I missed it, but it was my sister. She rarely calls as she prefers texting (I hate texting for the record). I knew something was up since she called. I checked the message, and the message was one that always bugs me. "Call me when you get this." Ok? Am I going to be mad? Am I going to be happy? I need some preparation. When I called her, she told me that my aunt on my mother's side had passed away. I hadn't talked to this aunt in a while, and it wasn't by my choice or even my brother or sister's choice. Not long after my mother died, my cousin died (my aunt's daughter). I tried to go to the funeral, but when the day came, I couldn't see across the street from my window. That's how foggy it was. My sister had just gotten surgery on her foot, so she couldn't drive. Her roommate couldn't get the day off, so I was her ride. My brother couldn't get the day off since he just started a new job. I'm guessing my aunt was pissed about this because every time any of us would call her, she wouldn't answer. She took this animosity to the grave with her.

To me, that's some petty bullshit. I did everything I could to get to my cousin's funeral. I don't know what my aunt's deal was. I do know that she made my life miserable as I was trying to deal with my mother's death. I did everything I could to give my mother a memorable send-off in accordance to her wishes. One of those wishes was to be cremated. My aunt didn't like that, but that's what my mother wanted. Might I add that I had to spend money out of the estate to accommodate her and my cousin because they couldn't come down for my mother's funeral for whatever bullshit reason. I had to have another service in Sioux City just to satisfy them. My aunt also wanted me to run an obituary in the Sioux City Journal. I had one ran in the Des Moines Register already. I didn't feel the need to pay for another obituary since the technology of today included looking on the internet for the one in Des Moines Register. So they paid for it. Fine. No big deal.

However, I didn't feel I had to have 2 services just because they didn't want to come down. Regardless, I had my sister set it up as I was chosen to be the executor of my mother's estate. I told her to just let me know what money she needed. I wasn't given any requests of money from her, and she planned it well. My uncle on my father's side ended up paying for the officiant of the service, and he paid for the lunch afterwards. My aunt, cousin and her family sat on the other side of the room. I don't even know if they thanked my uncle. My sister knew I wouldn't like him paying for it, but I didn't let it bother me. I gave her a task, and she already felt like she walks on eggshells around me. I felt that my mother got a second memorial that she would have been proud of. I just wished that my aunt and cousin would have attempted to make the other service instead of guilt-tripping me and my brother and sister into holding another one. Sure, she was born in Sioux City, but she spent 35 years in Des Moines.

My aunt gave me anxiety attack after attack while I was trying to grieve for my mother. Dealing with the estate did the same. When I heard my cousin died, I got the day of the funeral off. I was ready to drive to Sioux City. However, like I said, it was foggy out, and the farther west in Iowa is always the worst. I didn't want to risk it. I tried calling my aunt, but she never answered. My sister tried to as well, but her calls went unanswered as well.

I have had good times with my aunt. Growing up, we would always go to her house during the summer. My aunt and uncle would come down for Christmas. Sometimes, we switched off. When she came down, my mother and father would always make us clean the house, which would piss me off to no end. It wasn't because I didn't like cleaning. It didn't take too long, so it wasn't a big deal. It was the fact that every damn time we went up to her house, it was the biggest dump I had ever seen. She had shit, both literally and figuratively, everywhere. Roaches crawled everywhere. There was a tint in the room because my uncle smoked so damn much. The paint used to be white, but I always saw it as dog's anus brown. Sometimes, the dog pissed outside, but I know damn well he pissed INSIDE, too. I felt bad for my grandmother who had to live with her. My grandmother couldn't live on her own, but she didn't need to be in a nursing home either.

I have a lot of things I would love to say right now, but I'm not going to say them. My mother taught me not to say anything I'd regret. I've already said things to people that I regret, and I've already apologized for them. While the offended have forgiven me, I haven't forgiven myself. I'm pissed that my aunt wouldn't give me the time of day to explain things to her, and I'm even more pissed she took it to the grave with her. I did love my aunt. I love all in my family, but my brother, sister and I have done nothing to deserve this treatment from her or her daughter's family. Quite frankly, I don't have any concern for my cousin's family anyways. Her husband, in which I called RedFro, was a Grade A douchebag. He treated my cousin like crap. He treats his kids like crap, and he treated my aunt like crap. I don't think he treated my uncle like crap because my uncle would have played pinball with his testicles using chopsticks.

I was there for my aunt and cousin when my uncle died, and I didn't have sick leave or leave for death in the family. I drove my mother up to Sioux City, and we went to the funeral. My brother and sister were there as well. And the thanks we get is my cousin's son insulting my sister while my cousin laughed at it. My aunt didn't hear what he said, or at least she pretended she didn't hear it. However, I did. I didn't always get along with my sister, but I never made comments like that about her. Despite all this disrespect to my family, I still tried everything to be there for my aunt and cousin. Now, my aunt has passed, and all I can think is I wish she would have known better. The only thing this has taught me is that family isn't just blood. It's who is supportive the most. Who doesn't expect anything in return when asking for help. I have many people that fall in this category. Chances are, I have blood relatives reading this asking if I consider them family or not. Of course, I do. I can't think of anyone else in my family that has treated me or my brother and sister like this. I might not be Facebook friends with them all, but that doesn't mean I don't care about them.

If you have some petty bullshit reason you're not talking to your family, get the fuck over it. Deal with it. Do something. Don't take it to the grave. You're not doing anyone any favors. Is it selfish of me to think this? I don't know, and I don't care. There's 3 sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. Come together, and reach an agreement. Enough of this petty bullshit.