I Truly Miss That Call I Always Got On My Birthday

8th of November 2017

Another birthday passed by for me. I was never one for birthdays, but they meant a lot to my mother. She would always call me and want to take me to dinner or something. I don't remember the presents my mother got me, but I remember her presence. I did my damndest to make sure I gave her that day regardless of how much I hated my birthday. My mother had done so much for me when she really shouldn't have, so I felt that I could show her my appreciation for it by spending time with her. I would get to do the same for her birthday, too. She didn't like her birthday either, but I dreaded mine more. I only liked the time with my mother.

Now that my mother is gone, I don't get that call from her any more, and it just kills me. I have that time on that day now where I realize she's not going to call. My mother knew me better than anyone, as clique as that sounds. Sometimes, I hated it because I knew she was right. I was just too proud to admit it. So now that I know I won't get that call, I don't look forward to my birthday. I hate that period of the day where I just lose it knowing I won't hear from her. I still know her voice, but it's just not the same. I've tried to move on as best as I could. I still feel like I need her, and I get mad at life knowing she can't be there. I still feel like I didn't do enough to keep her alive (3 years later). I wished I would have taken time off. I wished I would have argued with the doctors more. I wished I would have pressed more with the obstacles. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish she was still here. Every time I see something in the news about someone treating their mother like shit, I get ungodly pissed. Do these people know how lucky they are to still have their mother? Obviously not. I would do anything to have my mother back. I'm grateful for the times I had with her, and yes, there are times where I wished I spent more time with her. I wished I handled her final days better. However, I feel lucky that I won't have the regrets some of these people will have. It's one thing if they were abused or some other troubled setting. However, there are lots of settings where I see in which that's not the case. Bottom line, hug your mother, and hug her tight. Tell her everyday that you love her. Call her everyday if you have to. I sure wish I could, and I wish that I still got that call on my birthday.