What I've Learned in the Last Couple Months

4th of August 2017

These past couple of months have been challenging for me. Whether it's been work, or whether it's been personal stuff, it seems like it's all hit me at once with no chance to recover. I was looking forward to this summer in hopes of more travel. Due to unforeseen circumstances, that never happened. Lots of planned trips were cancelled, and lots of hours spent at work replaced it. I don't feel like I could have gotten out of work since it involved a medical issue with my supervisor, but I still feel like the summer slipped away from me. Now, it's only a few days into August, and I still have time to do something. I hope to still do, but my air conditioner went down. At least it went down after the heat wave. My friend who was staying with me until her house was ready had problems with hers, too. She had to stay with me a little longer until someone could come out and fix it. She finally got to sleep in her new house 2 weeks after she signed for it. That had to have been frustrating for her. She spent all this money on a new house and couldn't sleep in it since it was so hot. Her dog wouldn't even go inside. So I've learned a couple things over these past couple of months while all of this was happening. I've learned to not uncover all of your strengths because people will start to see them and take advantage of them for their benefit. That's happened in personal life and work life for me. At work, some have seen what I can do, so they expect me to do it every day. To some, that may make sense. However, when making up for 2 missing people is one of them, that turns into me burning the candle at both ends. Some strengths are left to be slowly revealed. I also learned that anything can happen at any time. I don't know if I just learned it as much as events out of the blue just start to happen. I lost an aunt this year due to a heart attack. I didn't get to go to the visitation or the memorial because I was stuck at work. I think I could have found a way around it, but truth be told, I didn't trust anyone but my supervisor (who was out on medical) while I was gone. I should have gone to be with my family. It's something I'll have to live with, but I hope my family realizes that I do love them. I let myself get wrapped up in everything that I forget that there's other people around me.

I've also learned that I'm my biggest obstacle. I'm the reason I don't go to the gym. I'm the reason I eat something I shouldn't. I can change that, and I will. However, I learned that it's not as easy as it may have sounded. If I fail, I need to keep trying. I can do this if I put my mind to it. I'm harder on myself than anyone else is on me. I know what I can do, but others do not. I like it that way. I expect a lot out of me, and I'll continue to do so. I won't be perfect, but I will always continue to try to be. I can't just settle for good enough. If I get at least 95%, I'm happy. It just has to be my best. That way, I can appreciate the results and myself more.

I'm still learning how to trust people, and that will come with time. The one person I trusted passed away in 2014. Most of you know her as my mother. I have found it hard to trust people lately because some have told me what I can and can't do. I'm not talking about stuff like "you can't park there." I'm talking about "you wouldn't like doing this new exercise class I go to. You wouldn't be able to do it." I've got people that I thought were supposed to support me giving me the most negative criticism. This is why I'm hard on myself. I teach myself to get sick of it, and one day, I will rise above it. When that day happens, watch out. I won't be stopped. Hell, I won't be able to stop myself.